Generations of Parenting
by Rebecca Lynn Nagy
 
   She has a subscription to one of the most popular family magazines.  She has read every best selling book on child rearing.  She even references the World Wide Web for additional child-nurturing advice.  So, why is this new mother finding it so difficult to make decisions where her child is concerned?  Her mother says, “Just follow your heart,” while she scans the headlines of a new article entitled, “3 Steps to the Perfect Baby.”
    Trendy textbook knowledge is readily available and chronically consumed, while Grandma and Grandpa get condescending smirks after sharing old-fashion child-rearing tips.  In order to practice and promote positive parental techniques, it is advisable to avidly seek out and often utilize textbook/media information; however, it is also our responsibility to bravely acknowledge that the generations before ours have an abundance of care-giving experience that should never be dismissed as prehistoric jargon. 
     Parenting methods during our grandparents’ generation are considered too strict.  Those of our parents’ generation are believed to be too lenient.  What are we left with?  Well, we are gifted with a wealth of traditional knowledge that, when coupled with today’s psychology and common sense, can be used to negotiate a productive and successful outlook on parenting. 
     After my first child was born, I endured many sleepless nights obligating myself to a new theory that stated, “Pacifiers are passé and not all conducive to proper dental care.”  My mother would try to assure me: “I gave you and your brother a soother, and you had beautiful teeth.”   I didn’t thoroughly relax into motherhood until I decided to put my mother’s optimistic opinion to the test.  I gave my infant son a pacifier, and miraculously, like an endless lullaby, it calmed us both into eight-hour wakeless nights… haaaaalleluiah! If that wasn’t heavenly enough, after several years, my son’s immaculate dental record continues to support my mother’s effortlessly simple but sensible theory.   Modern textbook techniques did, however, teach me how to trash the sucker by the time he was two. 
     My Grandmother preached, “Sometimes you just have to say NO,” while popular early childhood education taught to under no circumstances say the word no.  Although positive reinforcement and phrasing is most beneficial, my son did not learn the meaning of “the electrical plugs are not for touching” until I calmly but emphatically stated, “NO.”  Yes, I simply heard it from Grandma.
     We are living in a world where scientific information is forever evolving, and this includes the science of psychology.  New information is offered to us, on a daily basis, in many media forms, often with one theory contradicting another.  I’ve seen philosophies celebrated with massive media hype and challenged days later with the same promotional attention.  Heck, we’re even offered parenting advice from celebrities.  Since when did walking down a runway or reciting hamlet become a professional stepping-stone for family guidance?   I’m not suggesting that their advice is amateurish, but let’s not make everyone the expert. 
     We are a generation with unlimited resources.  No matter what your belief, you can always find an agreeable source.  Knowing this, it is our responsibility to seek out and even research information in order to form productive and valued opinions on parental practices.  As a scientist uses historical events to reach a respected theory, we must use our own family tree to research generations of parenting experience to formulate a constructive conclusion on effective child rearing, even if this involves analyzing and ultimately rejecting the philosophies of our parenting genealogy.  It is as easy as researching and refusing the ethic of Al Bundy and examining and applying the values of Mr. and Mrs. Cunningham.
     Although it is my opinion that we should most definitely spare and discard the rod in order to occasionally spoil our children, fashionably trendy care-giving methods should not always hold precedence over the wisdom of our elders. 
     So, the next time you are offered seemingly archaic advice from Uncle Bobby or outdated opinions from Aunt Mary, consider where this experiential knowledge came from, reflect on your childhood memories, remember the last trendy article you read, and apply a technique that is based on your own extensive study.